My first months stuck in Otherland had been tough on me, even after winter had turned to spring and all the remaining snow ran down the mountain on the other side of the cold river. Perhaps once summer would hit the valley I had been tossed down to, the water would be warm enough to drink without a long time spent heating it up.
However, the absolute worst of my banishment from Dreamland was my insomnia. I have not slept in literal months, all nonstop. Luckily, it did not hinder me at all, but the amount of time I spent awake felt inhuman. I had no respite, not even a nap, in the form of sleep anymore.
All because of what I had done out of greed.
The moments leading to that point were already blurry in my memories. What had I been thinking? I had little idea anymore. What I had done was just… unfathomable at this point. Just unfathomable. What was I thinking? What was I thinking I would achieve with stealing our most powerful gemstone? Why had I thought that hurting Laytaha and the others was the only way out of the situation with or without the gemstone after getting caught red-handed?
I just don’t get it anymore, no matter how hard I try to summon clear memories of what had happened. Had someone tempted me or had I been the only one to blame?
I wish I knew so that I could make amends when the others would decide that it is time to see if I felt remorse. But, truth to be told, I don’t have a single idea.
It is day 155 of my banishment, I think. I can no longer count the lines in my notebook well enough to keep track as each day melds into the ones around it and I have no sleep to regulate my sense of time.
Whatever happens here on out… I guess I deserve it for what I did.